The Encyclopedia of Weyard: The Lost Entries
by Frog-kun
Summary: The player doesn't find every single entry for the encylopedia! Some were cut short or just plain omitted... Entry 3: Amiti. Concerning the identity of Amiti's father and the sheer brilliance of Camelot's writing staff. THIS IS A PARODY FANFIC.
1. Entry 1: Matthew

**Matthew**

This young man is a promising Earth Adept, just like his father when he started his adventures 30 years ago.

And just like Isaac, who led the famous Warriors of Vale, Matthew is a person of few words but strong convictions.

Matthew is actually in a bit of a dilemma.

Being the strong, silent type he is, he speaks nothing of it to his friends and merely walks onward. The others follow him, trusting in their leader's ability even as he walks into a forest which has absolutely no importance in terms of their quest.

Matthew's friends find out for themselves the dangers of having a silent protagonist as leader.

Sveta recoils as the strong smell of urine hits her sensitive nose.

"Eek! Matthew! What are you doing?" Himi yells as she covers her face with her hands while leaving just enough of a gap to peek through.

The males in the group are equally shocked but far more appreciative.

"He must have been holding this in for ages!" Tyrell remarks.

Matthew perseveres.

"Wow!" is all Eoleo can say. Amiti is equally impressed by how long Matthew appears to be able to urinate.

Karis interrupts the proceedings by blocking the view with her body. "Guys! Guys! Give him some privacy!"

At this point, Matthew finally finishes his business. He turns around and notices his friends staring at him.

"!" he says.

The sole adult in their midst, Kraden has a well of advice for the stricken adventurer. "It's unfortunate that Matthew is only able to speak in punctuation marks. While this is a slight improvement from Isaac and Felix, I'm afraid this means you have to rely on an old tactic."

"Oh, and what's that?" asks Rief.

"Sveta must read his mind. All the time."

And so, Matthew's friends soon find out that there is a direct correlation between silent protagonists and Jupiter Adepts who come to resent mind reading psynergy. Just how so, Ivan, Sheba and Sveta are unwilling to say.

Kraden has a theory that it has something to do with **puberty**.

FIN

Encyclopedia of Weyard

You have obtained a new entry!

**Puberty  
**Period of sexual maturation. The Warriors of Vale all went through this state thirty years ago. Matthew's existence was the logical conclusion of this event.

* * *

**Next up: **Tyrell and Kraden's pigeon finally have a showdown.


	2. Entry 2: Tyrell

**Tyrell**

This young man is a Fire Adept, following in the footsteps of his father, Garet.

He has lived up to his reputation for being a troublemaker by crashing the soarwing – the event which has propelled the heroes into action.

Another consequence was that Tyrell has grown somewhat resentful of airborne creatures, particularly pigeons. However, this is most likely Kraden's fault for insinuating that his pigeon is an intellectually superior being than Tyrell.

At some unspecified point in Dark Dawn's sequel, Tyrell and Kraden's pigeon met in mortal combat. The circumstances leading up to their confrontation is unclear.

* * *

Kraden's pigeon appeared!  
Kraden's pigeon attacks!  
Tyrell takes 325 damage!  
Tyrell attacks!  
Kraden's pigeon takes 2 damage!  
Kraden's pigeon casts Fire Blast!  
Tyrell takes 674 damage!  
Tyrell is down...

* * *

Tyrell is pissed.

"Kraden, you said that pigeon couldn't cast fireballs!"

"I am, I must admit, at a slight loss for words," Kraden replies.

After giving the situation some thought, Rief says, "I think I understand what's going on here."

The others promptly swoop on him.

"You do?"

"Tell us, Rief!"

"Okay, so..." Rief clears his throat and explains: "Fire Blast is a hereditary move. The mother of Kraden's pigeon must have bred with a **Camerupt**. ... Why are you all staring at me like that?"

Tyrell is very clearly unimpressed. He has recently gone through the definitive worst experience of his life. "Why a **Camerupt**?" he asks.

"It's in the same Egg Group as Kraden's pigeon!"

Karis jumps in surprise. "But... But that's as nonsensical as saying a **Wailord **and a **Skitty **can breed! What do you think, Matthew?"

Matthew chooses to happyface.

"Look!" says a frustrated Turell. "It doesn't matter where the stupid bird learned how to throw fireballs. The point is-"

"Have it replace Tyrell!" Amiti suggests.

"What do you think, Matthew?" asks Karis.

Matthew chooses to veryhappyface.

Tyrell gazes upon his friends with an expression of complete and utter horror.

* * *

Release Tyrell? _[Matthew chooses YES.]_  
Tyrell was released.  
Bye-bye, Tyrell!

FIN

Encyclopedia of Weyard

You have obtained new entries!

**Camerupt**  
A Pokémon that lives in the crater of a volcano. Every 10 years, the volcanoes on its back erupt violently. Research is under way on the cause of eruption.

**Wailord  
**It breathes through nostrils that it raises above the sea. By inhaling to its maximum capacity, a Wailord can dive close to 10,000 feet beneath the waves.

**Skitty  
**A Skitty's adorably cute behavior makes it highly popular. In battle, it makes its tail puff out. It threatens foes with a sharp growl.

* * *

**Author's note: **Thanks to all reviewers so far! Encyclopedia entries on the Pokémon were taken from my copy of Emerald Version. Also, I chose 'Fire Blast' as Kraden's pigeon's move because it sounds like 'Fiery Blast' which is an actual psynergy in Golden Sun. _[Geektalk]_

**Next up: **The identity of Amiti's father... _No one saw it coming at all!_


	3. Entry 3: Amiti

**Amiti**

This prince of Ayuthay long thought he was a miracle born purely of his mother's powers. King Paithos has revealed the truth.

His mother had no powers, and Amiti has inherited his Water Adept abilities from a strong Adept whose identity is a mystery.

Towards the end of Dark Dawn's inevitable sequel, the answer shall be revealed.

The playable characters will all simultaneously display an exclamation mark over their heads in order to convey the surprise that the gamer will evidently not be feeling. It would make for a truly shocking and memorable scene if the plot twist was not so goddamn obvious.

Amiti will jump on the spot, an emoticon of dismay floating over his head. The game will then proceed with a very drawn-out cutscene where characters simply reiterate the same thing with very poorly written dialogue.

"Y-You're my father?" Amiti will cry, for he will be dismayed to find the living proof of Paithos's claim that he is not the Water Adept version of **Jesus Christ**.

"Yes," replies the polite-mannered yet oh so evil antagonist of the Golden Sun franchise. "It would seem so."

At this point, Tyrell jumps up and down and delivers his very important line of dialogue that could not possibly be edited out for the sake of brevity. "I can't believe he's Amiti's father!"

"Neither can I," says Karis. "It's too much to take in, the fact that he's Amiti's father."

"It's so difficult to comprehend that he's Amiti's father!" exclaims Rief.

Matthew's dialogue is the most imaginative: "!"

The gamer would in normal circumstances be frustrated at Camelot's writing staff but would then remember that this is pretty much just standard writing in Golden Sun cutscenes. The only consolation is that the gamer's fanfic would probably be highly entertaining in comparison, and important, playable characters such as Mia would have ten times more personality.

But to digress back to the point of the reveal scene of the game, Amiti's (very mysterious and not very obviously foreshadowed) father will reveal that he actually had benign intentions from the beginning and will convey said goodwill by forcing the protagonists to fight against a dragon with multiple heads.

"I am so proud of you, my son," says Amiti's father, before vanishing in his characteristically mysterious way.

And thus the scene bids farewell to Kraden's pigeon.

FIN

Encyclopedia of Weyard

You have obtained a new entry!

**Jesus Christ  
**He is a cool bro.

**

* * *

****Author's note: **Thanks again to all reviewers. I'm marking this story as complete but I'll be adding entries here and there when I feel fit. I will be back.

**Next up: **Sveta belongs in a Fire Emblem game.


End file.
